U Suck, U2.

This weekend a little band called U2 is going to be playing a little place called TCF Bank Stadium and it is all anyone here can talk about because OMG U2. There are two things I’m really excited for this weekend: this U2 show to be over and the movie Friends With Benefits to come out so I can stop seeing previews for it. You suck, Hollywood. Mila Kunis doesn’t even show her own ass in a movie that as far as I can tell is a only very slight step down from a Skinemax movie.

Anyway, I’m really tired of hearing about the U2 concert. I don’t care, and I don’t care because I hate U2, the most overrated rock band of all time. I have no problem with Bono the humanitarian, who has done many wonderful things for humankind. I do have a problem with Bono the musician, who continues to barrage us with album after album of shitty music. Yet for some reason music critics continually cream themselves over this shit. Never have I seen a musical act get its ass kissed so much, and for no apparent reason. This is the band who began a song by counting “Uno, dos, tres, catorce!” Do you know what catorce means? It means fourteen. One, two, three, fucking fourteen. The Edge is hailed as some kind of guitar wonderboy, even though I have never seen any evidence of any spectacular playing ability.* The Edge is a tool. Look at the guy. He looks like a pedophile just sprung from prison. And you know someone has to be a self-centered jackass to give themself a name like “The Edge.” Maybe he’s a nice guy. Maybe he didn’t even give himself the name. But it takes a certain level of self-righteous jackassedness to parade around and introduce yourself as something like “The Edge.” “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m The Edge.” That doesn’t even make any sense. The edge of what? Hopefully a knife, so I can jab it into my abdomen.

The other day as I was driving back to work after lunch I heard two U2 songs back-to-back on the Current. I can’t remember which two songs they were (since all U2 songs sound alike) but the DJ went on to say that it was three U2 songs in a row that we were listening for, not two, before we could call in and have a chance to win concert tickets. No thanks, and please don’t ruin my day by making me listen to three god awful whiny songs in a row. All I can say is, thank goodness I can switch over to NPR when these situations arise.

*Look, I’m not saying the guy is a talentless schlub. It’s obvious he has talent; you don’t become the lead guitarist of one of the world’s best selling bands without it. I’m just saying he’s not a Hendrix, not a Page, not a Morello and not a Jack White**.
**the most underrated guitarist of our generation